10 things I've learnt from my first year of motherhood
Co-sleeping, rage prickles, sleep deprivation and the c-section
Dear Annabel,
Usually I write a weekly letter addressed to Jasper, my son, as regular readers will know. This time, though, I will be penning a letter to my former self, the one who almost exactly a year ago was about to become a mother for the first time and had so many questions.
It’s the lessons I’ve learnt over those extraordinary 365 days, and the advice I would have liked to have had before it all started. Because while there was no shortage of people telling me, as my due date crept closer, how to be a good parent, it was contradictory and overwhelming and ultimately irrelevant. The best advice I got, in retrospect, was from my stepmother Jeanie, who told me: “Listen to what everyone has to say, then go your own way.”
So for any soon-to-be parents reading this, take it with a pinch of salt. We all like to do things differently. For any already-parents reading, do let me know what some of your learnings were from the first year in the comments section. Because while the greatest life lessons will always be the ones we figured out ourselves, it sure is interesting to listen to other people’s.
Without further ado, the 10 things Annabel-of-Now would tell Annabel-of-Then…
Thank goodness you had a c-section
There are lots of ways to birth a baby. You are going to flirt with all of them in the run-up, but will ultimately have Jasper sliced out surgically, and this was almost certainly the best outcome. Modern medicine is astounding, and a privilege. It’s there, available to you, for free. Take it. You’ll be awake, so you won’t miss a thing, but it won’t hurt; the spinal block during and the morphine you’ll take home afterwards will make sure of that. It will be quick. Controlled. Statistically very safe. Yes the recovery will take a bit longer but also your nether regions will remain intact. There are people who will tell you that the days-on-end-of-agony involved in a ‘natural birth’ is all worth it in the end. Which is sort of like telling a mediaeval patient that the toe-curling pain of having a tooth extracted with no anaesthetic will be worth it. Well, yes, it will, in that the rotting tooth will be gone from your skull when it’s over. But in both instances, the painful bit in the middle is pointless, and best avoided if possible.
Keep breastfeeding, even when it’s awful
Completely contrary to what I said above, breastfeeding is going to really, really, really hurt. In your case, for ages. There’s not a lot you can do to avoid or mitigate this (come on modern medicine, step in!) and it makes no sense that something so vital for the wellbeing of your baby should be so dreadful. But it really is what is best for the infant, and eventually (for you it will take eight months) it stops hurting and becomes lovely. Some people can’t breastfeed, for a variety of reasons, and of course will have to use formula. But breastmilk is incredible stuff and there’s no comparison. It is compiled specifically for your particular baby; changing on a daily basis in response to markers from their saliva. If they are sick, it will quickly deliver the right antibodies, if it’s time to sleep, more melatonin. This milk will continue to serve your offspring for a long time: global weaning age is between three and seven years old. Ignore anyone who tells you, around the one year mark, that it’s time to switch them to cow’s milk. This is insane.
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