Why the monarchy is absurd (but we need it)

A list of my opinions on this weekend's coronation...

Dear Jasper,

This weekend was very historic in that King Charles III got crowned. Even my mother (Granny Sue, to you) who has always despised Charles and indeed Camilla, his Queen, got quite invested. We’re in Iceland so missed the whole thing entirely, but I hear it was a lovely occasion. 

Having watched the highlights though, I have formed some opinions:

• The outfits were outrageously camp and utterly spectacular. So dazzling as to look fake. The jewels on the crown and sceptre; the Cinderella carriage; the Nutcracker-esque soldiers… the whole thing was very ‘fancy dress’. In a good way.

• Charles looked thoroughly miserable throughout. I think what he was going for was ‘solemn’. Instead, he appeared to rotate between ‘forlorn’, ‘tired’, ‘melancholic’, ‘existentially challenged’ and ‘bored’. I don’t think he actually was any of those things (except perhaps tired) but that’s how his face was arranged.

• Princess Anne wore a very tall and flamboyant feather in her hat and was seated directly in front of, and thus obscuring the view of, poor old disgraced Prince Harry. I find it hard to believe this was a coincidence.